Sunday, August 3, 2008

Being a mom...

Being a mom...I can't say enough about it. There aren't enough words to explain the feelings that I have experienced during this journey of motherhood and i have only been on it for the last 17 months. The day Gavin was born was the most incredible day of my life and i don't think another day could ever compare to it...when i think back on that day I can't believe that it was almost a year and a half ago...seems like just yesterday. My pregnancy was perfect, no trouble at all and i really do think it was the fastest 9 months of my life. I hear people say that their pregnancy took forever or felt like a lifetime but not mine, it was easy and enjoyable. I enjoyed bonding with my unborn baby and only another mom can understand that feeling of knowing your child and loving your child before they are even born. The moment your eyes meet with your baby's eyes when you hold that baby for the first time is just the icing on the cake...the feeling of relief,joy and wonder are so overwhelming and causes you to sob uncontrollably for the next fifteen minutes(i can tell you that from experience:) Everyday since Gavin's birth has been a joy to me, that's not to say that there aren't days of sleep deprivation,exhaustion,and days when you feel like your brain jumped out of your head and is just gone. No matter how frustrated i might feel at times dealing with a little boy that I am thinking has already hit his "terrible twos" a few months early, it all disappears when he smiles or laughs. Its like forgetting the pain of labor when you hold the baby for the first time...all of that pain and discomfort is gone in that one moment. Today was a hard day...Gavin was very cranky and clingy...ALL DAY LONG. We went grocery shopping this morning and he screamed and cried and tried to jump out of the cart every time i came to a stop. He thought it was really hilarious when he through yogurt out of the cart and it exploded all over the grocery store floor...i will just say that i was not laughing by the time that happened. Javier took Gavin on a walk by himself to give me a break,so I have a few minutes to myself and a few minutes to think about whatever i want to think about but my thoughts go back to Gavin and the truth is I can't wait till they get back. Some days i feel so relieved when i finally lay him to down to sleep for the night or when he takes his nap,like i can finally breath...but five minutes later I am thinking him and about the next morning when i walk into his room to get him up for the day and he is bouncing up and down just smiling from ear to ear,so happy to see his mommy. Those smiles make being a mom all worth it...I wouldn't trade it for the world and I feel privileged to be his mother. Its my responsibility to be the best mom i can be and to raise him in a way that will prepare him to face the world on his own one day as a kind and gentle man. I don't like thinking about that day but i know it will be here sooner than i think, letting him go to kindergarten is going to be hard enough:) I will just deal with that when it comes...for now i will enjoy everyday that i am given to be with my son as he is definitley a gift from God.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

What am I doing?

Not sure what i am doing setting up this blog...Madeline is coming to help me on Monday since she is the one that finally talked me into doing this:) I guess i am really bored tonight...just watching Saturday night live and watching Javier sleep on the living room floor. I guess you just write whatever you feel like writing and that is a blog? Thats cool i guess because i have always loved writing but it has always been in my journal,handwritten pages, but this is kind of neat to type my thoughts. I am having a hard time with the idea of other people wanting to look at my blog and read what i have written,can't really imagine anyone being too interested but maybe i am wrong? This will be a way for me to express myself anyway i want to and i can post all of the pictures that i take of my gorgeous little boy:) I guess thats enough for now-Goodnight...